Take a Journey with me...

One of my desires of starting this blog was to discuss health and beauty in God's eyes. I as many Christian women have struggled with my weight. Most of all I believe that I have struggled with my appearance and what others think of me. How do I look, am I pretty enough or am I thin enough. I think that if most of us were honest, we could say that we have had these thoughts in one form or another. But does it even matter what man thinks of us? The Bible says that we should not seek the approval of men but of God.

When I was a teenage girl, I struggled with a serious eating disorder. I saw dietitian after dietitian and doctor after doctor. What none of them ever told me was that it was a sin to be the way I was. That my eating disorder was an abomination to the God who had created me. I was counseled on what had happened to me in my childhood and what I could not control in my life. I was never told that gluttony was a sin. and that being so wasteful of the food that God had given me could be so wicked. I was so caught up in how skinny I could become and what others thought about my appearance. I was so focused on myself and the real need I had was for the Lord to free me from my pride and selfishness.

I was not saved until I was nineteen. When I got married I had stopped binging and would only vomit on occasion. I thought I was doing so much better. Until I saw my sin for what it was after I received the LORD as my savior and gave my life to him. Only a few times after that blessed night in September did I gorge and vomit. I was so convicted each time of how sinful it was before my GOD.

Now I have three beautiful children. To which I would not trade anything for. However through my pregnancies I gained an enormous amount of weight. With my first daughter Tatum I had preaclmapsia and gained 80 some pounds. As you can guess I really struggled with this because of my past. But I knew I could not go back to where God had brought me so far from. Then 3 months after I had our beautiful daughter I found out that I was going to have another precious child. I bet you can guess that I had not even lost half of the weight I had gained. Nope I put another 45 or so on top of it. Then with Titus I did pretty good at only gaining around 30 pounds. However I still weighed in at 212 every time I went in to deliver my babies. Mind you I am only 5'1... After I had Titus and I knew that I could not have any more children I knew that something had to be done. When I started my journey on weight watchers I weighed 180. I had already lost 12 pounds on my own. I knew that I was going to need help, and I had some friends that did weight watchers and it worked so great for them I thought that I would give it a try.

When I started my goal was to be skinny again. I wanted to look like I did when I got married and before I had children. Little did I know I was not seeing the big picture. After a few months I learned that this was going to be a life long commitment and it was not to being skinny it was to being healthy. That is when the LORD showed me some amazing things. He showed me that it is not his will for his children to be over weight or to have the health problems that we could prevent if we remember why we were created. We were created to serve the LORD and so many times are health cuts our journey short. I am not saying that you can not be overweight and be used of the LORD. I am just saying that it is the LORDS will for us to keep our bodies as healthy as possible so we could have a long journey and a good run before Him. I saw that I needed to make some permanent changes for my family and my self. I needed to be healthy for my family that the LORD has given me to take care of. I was looking at my journey in a whole new light.

But how quickly we sometimes loose sight of what the LORD has for us and slip back into our old ways. As I reach my goal weight I have struggled more than ever. I know that it is because I had taken my eyes off of Christ in this area. I once again was worrying about how I appeared to man and not to Christ. I was focused on self instead of others. I started to obsess again over my weight and what I looked like. I am so thankful that the LORD has given me one friend who will be completely honest with me about things. She mentioned to me one night when we were out to dinner that I constantly was talking about how much I weigh or how many calories are in what I am eating, or that I should not have eaten that. It was hard to hear. But it was what I needed to hear. I have two beautiful little girls who I do not want them to ever struggle with what I have struggled with. I want them to not view food as their enemy but I do not want them to learn just to eat for pleasure either. I believe the LORD gave us food to eat to live. It is okay to enjoy it but it is another thing to be totally consumed by it. It can become an idol. I know, kind of a crazy thought, but true.

I am stepping back where I started when the LORD showed me that there is a weight that I should be at that is healthy and pleasing to him. That there is a way that I need to eat and feed my family that is pleasing to him. I am excited about the beginning of my new journey. I want to help others that may struggle in these areas that I struggle in. I want us as Christian women to set the example to the world not them dictate and set our examples on what beauty is. There is no beauty that is more beautiful than that of a Christan woman, wife, or mother that shows that she walks with the LORD and is seeking to please him in every aspect of her life.

Now to me I see that what I put into my body will affect my service for the LORD. There is a cause and affect for everything. If I am constantly focused on my self then I will not be able to give my self to others that are dieing lost with out a saviour. And if I am not healthy then how will I be able to raise the children that the LORD has given me or take care of my sweet Joshua. I am praying that the LORD will help me on this journey as I seek to beautiful and healthy before him and him alone. And as I turn away form Satan and this world and what they say to us, (even as christian women) is beautiful. I do not want their beauty. I want so much more. I want a beauty that shines far above all others one that the world will look at and say "that is the essence of beauty I want what she has". I want everything that I do and everything I am from my inner most being to my otter layer to point back to my LORD and savior Jesus Christ.

Thanks for letting me share my heart.

Brittany